When you hear the diagnosis, you’re in shock. Then you start having those conversations with family and good friends. You wait for your oncology appointment and fill out the first of many health forms. We were lucky, we got seen in a week-the waiting was nerve-wracking. We were seen in a week-there was a cancellation! The nurse says it’s usually 10 days-3 weeks! Ahh!
Then the waiting game begins. While waiting, you go down the “What if…” road…
I’m the wife of the cancer patient. I can’t help but feel helpless! Chemo was 4 weeks later…It didn’t work, now immunotherapy but, of course, we had to wait 2 weeks and now, his 3rd round is next week. 3 weeks between rounds.
then, we wait…again.
Happy 4th of July! This day and weekend has come to be associated with cookouts and fireworks…We’re really celebrating a country’s declared independence from tyranny, depending on which side of the Atlantic you’re on! 🙂 England does not celebrate this!
I propose we begin to be independent of seeking others’ approval. In my coaching business, I see many paralyzed by the fear that someone will be upset if I take this action…and often wind up not taking it and resent the other person.
I’ll give you an example. You finally get up the nerve to tell your family you’ve decided to start a business on the side while continuing to work.
Well-meaning naysayers will feel the need to tell you that’s crazy-you’ll be too tired. Our family doesn’t do that and so on…Some will allow themselves to be convinced…and give up their dream before it’s even begun!
A few will go against the family/friends’ pressure and strike out on their own…Neither is ideal-you either succumb to peer pressure. Or go against the norm and feel like a” lone wolf.”
Sometimes, you just need to “rebel” from the status quo.
Not all of us take feedback well. Or give constructive “criticism” in a helpful manner. Just the term “constructive CRITICISM is loaded with feelings of dread or may trigger defensiveness or depression…”I can’t do anything right!”
Jack Canfield in “The Success Principles” talks about failure or success being feedback. Failure, you learn what not to do and how to tweak it and see that result. Success means keep doing what you’re doing…BUT sometimes, we want bigger successes, and we tamper with it and may make it worse-“don’t fix it if it ain’t broke”…Maybe changing that little bit and taking the risk of failure sometimes yields the greatest rewards!
When you get feedback, positive or negative
- Consider the source. Do they honestly know what they’re talking about.
- 2.Get more than one opinion. Now, if 3-4 are saying the same thing, it might warrant closer examination.
I know if I hear the same feedback from several different sources…I have to analyze it and ask myself-is there a kernel of truth to this?
It could be positive feedback-|You have a great “presence” about you…You must ask yourself-am I poised? Am I calm under pressure?
I find that the potentially negative ones are often my blind spots. “You always are defensive”. As “no, I’m not” springs to lips…hmm, maybe there’s something to that!
Feedback is neither positive nor negative. It’s just feedback!
I first met Marshall Sylver at Guerrilla Business School, billed as “an MBA on steroids!” It was intense and fun! He was pure entertainment and hypnotised some of the students. No, no one clucked like a chicken!
Then, the next day, he spoke about trances as subconscious behaviors, like driving home but only remembering the beginning and the arriving at the destination…Being on “autopilot” is a form of trance. Of course, he had an event called “Turning Point” where he would go in more depth how these principles govern your behavior in business!
I signed up, of course. I’m a life-long learner and a self-confessed, “Seminar Junkie!”
Finally, after my illness, then,hurt my back…I arranged to go to Las Vegas and stay with one of my seminar pals. We’ve become besties and have been roommates five or six times!
It was great. Why not be in a trance that you’re a strong leader or just feel positive, have a can-do attitude and get things done!
It was the shot in the arm I needed. Still carving out time from dealing with my husband’s Cancer, but I manage to be there for my clients 100% and work on my second book.
You can purchase my book on Transitions and the Transition Cycle in 3 easy stages Go to www.midlifetransitioncoaching.com and it’s only 10 bucks with shipping included! Save $7 and 50% of sales will be donated to CancerSupportFoundation.org, an all-volunteer responsible for providing wellness packages to anyone diagnosed.
So, what is/was your “Turning Point?”
My time is not my own! I’ve learned that the Chemo didn’t work so giving immunotherapy a go. You take Keytruda when the hope is that your immune system will help fight the cancer cells and shrink them or at the very least, keep it from spreading.Every cancer is different. I am not a doctor. Chemo didn’t work in his case….Please see a physician or your oncologist!This is just another step in the transition from being “healthy as a horse” to cancer patient.
I’m flying out tomorrow for a week-long Mastermind. Why do this? Imagine having 14-25 other like-minded entrepreneurs as your own personal Board of Directors-dedicated to helping grow your business and help solve one of the problems you may encounter.And you are this sounding board and “Board of Directors” for them. It’s a great feeling to brainstorm ideas to help one another. Very powerful. I get to participate in this process all week!
Napoleon Hill, in “Think & Grow Rich” described the mastermind concept as when 2 or more individuals come together for the same purpose. This expert studied successful men, it was in the thirties…He determined that those who participated in a Mastermind plus other aspects outlined in his book were more successful businessmen/entrepreneurs.
He, himself, was in a Mastermind with leading entrepreneurs of his day. Andrew Carnegie of US Steel and Charles Schwab were in Napoleon Hill’s Mastermind.
Think 2 heads are better than one…or the whole is greater than the sum of its parts…This describes the “think-tank” that is a Mastermind group. Success Resources sponsors this Global Mastermind and about 27 people are converging on Martha’s Vineyard. We always go to nice places only three times a year + a weekly call and an active Facebook group. You can meet anywhere-your local coffee shop or someone’s conference room.
I’ve created a completely virtual one. Check it out at http://www.momentummastermindgroups.com
I’ve been going on appointments to hospital for preparation for chemo for my husband. When I’m not being positive, upbeat and cheery-I’m a wreck. Bladder Cancer Awareness Network, BCAN.org has a wealth of knowledge! It’s where we found the urologic oncologist and the medical oncologist
My confusion isn’t so muddled,last week…More preparatory tests and another Dr’s. appointment and then, maybe, chemo?
I had lots of down time waiting for the patient.
So I thought of The Transition Cycle I created in my book.
I am the “poster child” for transitions! I’ve changed jobs, careers, got married, divorced and married again eight years later, lost my mom to Alzheimer’s and some good friends to Cancer & AIDS. I also started a business and moved to a “virtual world” and coach by phone or video conferencing.
Now, boom! My husband was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer! The Transition Cycle begins once more…
Step One is the Catalyst Phase- something happens.( the diagnosis) How you handle the change is the transition process. It is a process. The book,”Turning Midlife into the RIGHT Life!” has more information on The Transition Cycle and what you can do to make a smooth transition For a free chapter, go to MarciaMerrill.com.
I always intend to be completely honest-my transitions (changes in my life).
Change is inevitable and each Transition process of how you experience the change.Get your FREE chapter om book on Transitions-“Turning Midlife into the RIGHT Life!” at MarciaMerrill.com
What I want to share with you is I’m going through a transition from merely a loving spouse to one whose husband of almost 23 years, has at least Stage Two Bladder Cancer. So, now I’m his cheerleader/nurse/support system as he goes through this pretty scary,anxiety-ridden time.
May is Bladder Cancer awareness month-that’6 days from now.
At the same time, I’m running my coaching business. I’m working on my 2nd book,a compilation of personal stories of midlife women entrepreneurs that started a business at 40-55+, & a Momentum Mastermind group launch-info at Momentummastermindgroups.com –more on these later!
Transitions just don’t exist in a vacuum. You cannot put “life on hold” while you deal with a transition and its process.
The concept of talking face to face can’t be beat. Whether it be around the water cooler or online through Social media,human beings want to connect. The popularity of Meetups proves that.
When I go to “traditional”networking events-they usually involve a meal-no, I’m not starving! I just think “breaking bread” together breaks the ice. I like gatherings of mostly women, most of whom, are entrepreneurs and they are my target market.
I then, further the relationship by following up on Facebook or LinkedIn or email or, (gasp!) call them. I usually follow first by electronic means first and suggest a “Virtual coffee” using SKYPE or Zoom. If we discover we can be good referral partners, is, herself, a prospective client or Joint Venture Partner or a budding friendship, it might make sense to further the conversation in person or schedule a complimentary Live Your Life With Passion and Purpose Discovery session. One of my mentors says “the fortune’s in the follow up”.
I recently discovered a successful women who has a Customer Relationship Management system, (CRM) who does nothing with the business cards of those she met!! They are in the bottom of her purse.
Follow up, deepen the connection, it’s definitely worth it.
Last week, I went to Portland, Oregon and much chillier weather than in Baltimore! Why did I travel for 3 days? Simple-it was the 2017 Dream Big
CCIC (Chicks Connect Inspiration Conference) We had 2 days to really connect heart to heart, creating a synergy with like-minded (mostly women and a few men) from 55 chapters all over the country-Oregon, Arizona, Idaho,and ,of course, me from Baltimore, Maryland to name a few.
Yes, “networking” took place but it was more than just a business card exchange. We actually wanted to have a conversation about things other than business, the business card thing was an afterthought. Chicks Connect is dedicated to community, fun and is a global Mastermind where professional and personal development is emphasized. All the speakers brought information and humor designed to further our learning and growing.
Check out the Membership details and where they are as well as online chapters. You can attend any chapter once you’re a member!
I am starting and growing the Baltimore, Maryland chapter, Next Level Chicks. I joined but only did online and now taking point on starting a chapter. The sister Chicks I met both online as well as face to face-my support community. Everyone should have a community of like-minded peers.